Saturday, December 24, 2005

Ya'll ready for Christmas?

Right off the bat I want you to know that I do celebrate Christmas. I'm also one of those people who is fed up with all of this politically correct BS surrounding the use of the word Christmas. We no longer have a Christmas party at work because two people (out of an organization of about 250 people) don't celebrate Christmas and are offended by the use of the word. What's so offensive? Do these people think that by going to a "Christmas "party they'll be magically transformed into Chrisitians against their will? It's not like we're forcing people to take communion or giving out baby Jesus action figures or anything. It's a party for Christ's sake!(pun intended). As long as there's an open bar I don't care if we're celebrating the birth of Christ or the birth of Katie and Tom's love child. Drink up and shut up!

That being said there is one aspect of this holiday season that's driving me batty. It seems like people here in the heartland have developed some type of speech impediment or social disorder. It's manifested by the inability to start a conversation with any words other than "Ya'll ready for Christmas?". What does this mean exactly? First off, I don't remember having my name legally changed to Ya'll. Secondly, what constitutes ready? Does it mean that I'm so utterly depressed by the day to day happenings of my mundane life that I can't wait for Christmas to arrive and let the spirit of the season wash over me, thereby uplifting my spirits and healing my wounded soul? Or does it simply mean I've got all of my Christmas shopping done, presents wrapped, kids in the car, heading out to Grandma's house for 10 minutes of frenzied gift opening followed by 4 hours of drinking and a nap on the couch? If you ask my kids, they're ready for christmas 365 days a year.

If you see me on the street and come up to say hello feel free to wish me a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a happy Talk Like A Pirate day or whatever other day you're into. Just don't ask me if I'm ready for Christmas.