Thursday, February 23, 2006

American Idol? American Idiots!

My boys have discovered American Idol.

I'd successfully avoided watching that show since it's inception but now I'm being forced to sit through it by my kids. Number 1 son saw one of the early audition episodes, found it utterly and completely (to paraphrase Simon Cowell) hilarious and now expects the whole family to sit down whenever it's on for hours of family fun.

I think the show would be more appropriatley called American Idiots. I have to admit the audition episodes were funny. They were also sad, pathetic and just plain weird. If the contestants on this show represent a cross section of America then we're a bunch of desperate pathetic losers with overinflated, fragile egos. The fact that so many of the truly horrible contestants actually thought they had talent and could sing is truly frightening. These are some of the biggest freaks I've ever seen.

The entertainment value of the audition episodes cannnot be denied however. The truly awful signing, the horrible costumes and Simon Cowell's caustic remarks made it worth watching. The exchange between Simon and the guy who sang like Cher was classic.

"Why would you want to sing like Cher? There already is a Cher."

"I can do something else"

"What would that be"

"I can do Judy Garland"

"Why don't you consider being a female impersonator?"

"I won't do that. I'm not a transvestite"

"Let me get this straight. You want to be Cher. You want to be Judy Garland. But you won't wear women's clothes?"

Then you've got the Brittenum twins. These idiots went on American Idol on national TV even though there were warrants out for their arrest in Georgia and Tennessee. What, they thought no one would notice them on the number 1 show in America? They'd have been less conspicuous on America's Most Wanted!

I also loved the reactions of the ones who were rejected. Some were merely disappointed but others were truly enraged. Cussing out Simon, slamming doors, saying how they were " all that" and "the judges made a big mistake" and "America, you'll be seeing more of me. My career's just getting started". Yeah, their career in the food service or custodial industries.

The saddest part however were the ones who were truly devastated by the rejection. Saying how this was their one big chance and now their life is over. I felt like some of these losers might actually go home and take their own lives. I wonder if that's ever happened? Not something the shows producers would want to promote.

Alas, the audition episodes are over and now we're down to the real competition. 24 contestants of whom only about 6 can actually sing. Cheesy over the top performances of forgetable songs. Even Simon's schtick is starting to wear thin. If I have to hear him say "utterly and completely" (which he does 6 or 7 times an episode) again I'll go utterly and completely mad.

I might have to take it out on the boys. That would be their punishment for subjecting me to this mind rot.

Or, I could just embaress them like this:


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