Friday, March 10, 2006

Y'a du monde au balcon!

I was having lunch with # 2 son today and he started playing one of his favorite games, "Stump the Dad". Both # 1 and # 2 sons love this game. It consists of them asking me questions they already know the answer to, in the hope that I won't get it right. Then, they can proceed to tell me the correct answer.

I love this game as well for the simple reason that I almost always get the question right. The look of amazement/disappointment on their faces is wonderful.

It usually goes something like this:

Dad, do you know how many miles it is between New York and Tokyo?

"6760 miles" I reply.

How did you know that?

"Because I know everything."

You don't know everything.

"Yes I do."

Todays exchange was similar. After I said "because I know everything" #2 son (who is 6 years old remember) said: "Alright dad, what's the French word for Vagina?"

I looked at him trying not to laugh, to not even crack a smile. But I couldn't do it. First a slight smirk. Then a barely muffled giggle. Then outright laughter. He started giggling too. He knew he'd come up with a good one. I looked him straight in the eye and said "I don't know". "Yes!" was his response, a huge grin of satsfaction on his face. So I asked him what the answer is. Turns out, he didn't know either.

Now I'm somewhat surprised that I didn't know the answer. You'd think that after 4 years of highschool French and 1 year in college I would have picked up a few naughty words other than the ubiquitous 'Merde' that everyone knows. I decided my education had been lacking in an important part of the French language so I decided to correct this deficiency. I proceeded to consult The Alternative French Dictionary. This is a wonderful resource for finding useful and colorful umphemisms for body parts, sex acts and swear words in general.

In answer to # 2 son's question I found this:

Noune (vagina)
Moule (vulva)
Chatte (pussy)
Cramouille (somewhat derogatory word meaning literally "wet slit")

I also found:

Doudounces (breasts) and finally
Y'a du monde au balcon (what a set of knockers)

Many more useful words and phrases are listed in the dictionary. The web site also has alternative dictionaries for just about any language out there. Hours of interesting reading. I urge everyone to conult this resource and try and work some of these words into everyday converation:

"There's a paper jam in the copier again; cette putain de machine!"

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